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This Week #12

This Week's This Week: It's almost non-existent. I can't lie...it's been a rather ordinary week. Nothing too exciting around these parts. 

This Week's Favorite Quote: "The world doesn't hide anything from us...there's only what we choose to not see."-Crazy Guy that came to see me at work. 

This Week's Second Favorite Quote: "Who loves you when you need them? That's your family." -Some dude on Oprah.

Three Years

Monday marked the three year anniversary of my Dad's death. I debated whether or not I even wanted to write about it as I kinda feel like whatever I say at this point will just be redundant. But then I thought, I owe it to El Viejo; and if it seems repetitive...so be it. It's pretty weird to think that he's been gone three years. Often, it feels like a lifetime since he passed away. And then others, it's like just yesterday we still had him with us. So many times, I've tried to forget what that day felt like...obviously, it's impossible. The day you lose a parent is one that you never, ever forget. And so when Monday came around, I chose to not even think about it. As far as I was concerned, it was just another ordinary day. But I knew it wasn't. The truth is, you can't escape something like that. Three years ago, I knew that things were never going to be the same again. I knew something had fundamentally changed not only in me, but in my family. And back then, I wasn't sure how it was all going to work out. How were we all supposed to go on knowing that a major part of us was missing? And then we just did. And, no, things are not the same...but we have a new "normal" now. We talk about my Dad every single time we're together. And I think about him every single day. No lie. One way or another, he is always in my thoughts. I hear him in certain songs, I see him when watching certain movies, he's in my wardrobe (I'm wearing one his old shirts today)...and then every time the "C" word is brought up, there he is. I always wonder what he would think of me doing certain things...would he be proud about this? Would he laugh at me for this? And there's comfort in that for me. It's lame to even write that he's always with me...because you know that shit freaks me out and I don't believe in it. But his memory is with me. His essence is with me. I always strived to be different from him. In many ways, that has helped me be a better man. But there is so much of his personality in mine. Some of it I fight, and some I embrace. You know what does suck? Is that when the memories play in my head, I see my Dad in his younger days and I see him getting older and that makes me smile. I remember his laugh, I remember how he was always whistling. But inevitably, I remember him sick. And I remember him dying. And that still absolutely breaks me each time. I mean, it gets me at my very core. And I hate that I can't shake those images. I'm not sure that time can ever fully erase that pain. All I can hope for is that the good memories can overshadow the bad one day.

What Have They Done?

It's funny the things we remember, but I can still clearly see The Mom's and me at Kmart in line to buy the LP single of "We Are The World." I was 6-years-old when that was released...and we played the shit out of it in our little Anaheim apartment. I'm sure I never quite understood the meaning of the song and what they were trying to do with it. All I knew is there was Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder and Cyndi Lauper all on one song. And that was enough for me. But I do remember that eventually, it opened up the dialogue for my cousins and I to know that not everyone was as fortunate as we were. On the real, though, I loved that song. And I tell you all this as a set up for how much I completely hate the new crap version they just released. This isn't about Haiti...(God bless those poor people and may they for real get their shit together soon.) This is about the blasphemous reproduction of something that should have never been touched. Back in '85, when the original was released, there was something magical about it...I mean YouTube that shit, for God's sake. There's Diana Ross, Lionel Richie, Dionne Warwick, Bruce Springsteen...even Bob fucking Dylan.

I bought the new version (a) because the money goes to Haiti and (b) without listening to it. So, I wasn't sure what I was going to be getting. As soon as I heard fucking Justin Bieber start it off, I instantly wished I'd just sent money straight to some other organization. As if that wasn't bad enough, they throw in Lil' Wayne, Akon and T-Pain...all on auto-tune. WHAT THE FUCK!!!! There is no place for auto-tune on this song! And then the lame-ass b-list rapping section. FOR REAL?! LL Cool J and Busta Rhymes are the best you could do? Oh, and then Wyclef's wailing! And why give the Pussycat Dolls chick a solo...just an absolute mess. This is just a travesty. The original "We Are The World" is the sappiest piece of 80's music ever written. It should have stayed there. Look at all the people on the re-make...someone could have written a new song. I tell ya...somethings are just not right.

Weekend Update

I'm not gonna lie...I've been lazy. Very lazy...hence, you havn't heard from me in a few days. But I wanted to make sure that I gave you a weekend update, because we had a good one. Saturday, we hit up L.A. where we were supposed to go to a roach coach food festival. However, when we got there and realized that the line was ridiculously long, we got back in the car and drove to Olvera Street for a good ole' bean and cheese burrito. I should say that I rear-ended a parked car when leaving our first stop. And the people were in the car. Rarely, do I feel like a total idiot...but I have to tell you, I felt fucking stupid and embarrassed. The irony? The other driver was a female Asian. We were so close to the car to begin with, that the only damage was a scratch on LSG's bumper. My bad.

You all know that I am not a believer of Valentine's Day, but I have to say that I had quite a lovely Sunday. We got to spend time with both The Besties and The BFF. Had breakfast (which some of us regretted later) and then headed to the Pasadena Flea Market at The Rose Bowl. Like every other time we've gone, we bought nothing, but still had a great time hanging out with our friends. As the icing on the cake, we ended our afternoon together by having lunch at Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles. I was set to have my last hurrah with meat, so I wanted to go out with a bang. And I love me some chicken and waffles! However, my joy was quickly put on hold, when poor little LSG got sick on us. I'm not gonna lie, I still ate...but, I have to say...it wasn't as good as I remembered. And so now, I shouldn't miss it so much.

And that was that, another splendid weekend with LSG and the bonus of spending time with some of our favorite people. Plus, I ate what will hopefully be the last bit of meat I ever eat (I can't begin to tell you all the horrible things I've learned in researching the vegan lifestyle. But I'll try later.) It was a good weekend.

This Week #11

This Week's Loving It: There has been an overwhelming amount of joy in our home this week. Not like we're always miserable or anything...but there seemed to be a lot of happiness floating around. It was quite lovely.

This Week's Haters: You'd think more people would be supportive of my decision to go vegan (in March). Instead of, "right on" I get a bunch of why's.

This Week's Fallen Idol: John Mayer. I love you, man. But please Shut.The. Fuck. Up.

This Week's What's Happening To Me: We have a little pre-school at the community center where I work. Every February the kiddos come around to our desks and tape construction paper hearts to our walls and desks. This year, one little guy gave me a hug, which then prompted every other kid behind him to hug me as well. And I thought it was cute. Oh, God.

This Week's Date Night: LSG and I went to watch Crazy Heart. The movie wasn't fantastic, so to speak, but Jeff Bridges was amazing. It was kinda like watching The Wrestler but with country music.

This Week's Who Knew: And Colin Farrell can sing. Like good.

This Week's Obsession: Yo! I can't get enough of Chick-Fil-A. It's like I have to shove as much of it as I can in my mouth before I can't have it anymore. It's sick. But I'm done with it.

This Week's Pop Culture Catch-Up: Finally watched "Jersey Shore". I have to say that I think I've finally grown out of the MTV target demographic because I just didn't get the hype. But I love me some Snooki!

This Week's Drunk Mess Moment: We went down to San Diego over last weekend with The Mom's and The Brothers. I got pretty drunk and was quite upset at our Filipino waiter who didn't understand my Tagalog. I was rude and embarrassing. But I defended my actions until I fell asleep. I hate it when non-Spanish speakers try to talk to me in Spanish. I'm ashamed that I disrespected that young man by doing to him what I hate done to me. Good thing is, I'll never see that fool again!

This Week's Why Football Is Not For Me: While watching the Super Bowl, I was more excited about seeing Oprah on a commercial than anything that happened during the game.

This Week's Fail:For Black History Month, I thought I'd put nothing but black artists on my iPod. It just reminded me that I have a bunch of crap in my library. For every Jay-Z song, I had something like Chingy. And for every Alicia Keys song I had something like Shanice. Shame.

This Week's Flashback: However, I did rediscover my love for this little number...

 

Push

I had a brief instant messenger conversation with The Female Bestie about knowing when to let go. You know, how much can we possibly take from one person until we've finally had it? I know I've written about that before, so I want to focus a little bit more on how whether or not we recognize it, sometimes the decision is made for us. Sometimes we want to hang on to something or someone that does nothing but push us away. It's like this: I've had plenty of good friendships throughout my life...plenty of people that I click with and just think that they're overall awesome. Then they start dating someone that takes that awesome level down. At that point, I have a choice. I can either continue to try and hold on to that friendship and deal with how pathetic my friend is becoming or I can walk away. I've tried both...but you know what? The walking away part is always inevitable. You are pushed into it.

I still haven't been able to create that disconnect between who that person is as my friend and who that person is in a relationship. And that's where the problem is created in my mind...and my heart. I love my friends. I want my friends to be as happy as I am. And when they go and date some loser, it breaks my heart. Because I KNOW they deserve better. But the longer they stay, the more I KNOW they then deserve to be in that bad relationship. Does that make sense? I should say it's not always like this. The BFF has found a wonderful man in The Persian. I mean, really, a truly wonderful man. And my friend is the happiest I've ever seen him. That in turn, makes me happy. I feel like I've known The Persian forever. And if this guy recognizes what an incredibly awesome man The BFF is and treats him accordingly...we are going to be good. And there's The Besties...who I consider our relationship equivalents. They make me happy and I love them. I could go on and on. In fact, I'm surrounded by freakin' awesome relationships all the time. And these are the relationships I want around me.

What I truly hate is having to watch someone belittled in front of me all the time. I hate someone telling me how shitty their boyfriend or girlfriend is and then act all gaga around them...like everything is okay, like I'm supposed to forget what they just told me. Why in living hell would I want to be around that? Right? And so, it is my belief that by constantly throwing that in your face...by constantly telling you stories that they can't recognize as bad...those people are pushing you away. They push you away because you know better. You know when something is not right. And when you know something is not right, how can you possibly stand by it? And then you cannot fathom why they can't see it. And you lose respect. And without respect, there can't be friendship. And I'm not friends with idiots. It's not how I roll. Word.

The Man Card

You know that I don’t strive to be the manliest of men. It is by far not one of my goals to be an alpha male. I mean, I have absolutely no shame in admitting that I’ve watched every episode Sex and the City at least twice. And I proudly feature Kellie Pickler on my iPod. Absolutely no shame. I’ve grown up with women, I’m surrounded by women on a daily basis. I’m the guy that gets the best of both worlds. I have true friendships with a bunch of chicks who all, in one way or another help me be a better husband. And I have some awesome guy friends who are completely non-judgmental about my less than macho likes. I am just as comfortable learning about sports from my boy T-Fresh as I am consoling The Blondie when she’s surfing the crimson wave. It’s just what I do.

Rarely…very rarely, do I feel like something I do is not up to my own specific man rules. Well,  then yesterday I joined The Work Mom and The Blondie for a Pilates class. And I literally felt like I handed my balls over at the door. It wasn’t that I was the only guy in a room with about 20 ladies...it was just how silly I felt in some of those poses. I had to keep looking out  the window to make sure none of my work homies would see me in there. And I never feel that way. It is my understanding that this particular teacher adds a bit of dance element to the class, which would explain why I felt like freakin' Nomi Malone half of the time. And so, as much I as enjoy spending time with both The Work Mom and The Blondie, I must say that I will never go back to this. Even I have limits...and you know that it's gotta be pretty girly if I feel ashamed.

If Only I Owned A Hundred Taco Bells

I didn’t grow up with much. I certainly never went without anything, but I never really lived a life of excess. The Mom’s just always made sure we were okay. Even now, the woman will go completely out of her way to make sure The Brothers, La Shy Girl and I are okay. She has gotten us out of plenty of tight squeezes. And I know that if anything were to go ever go wrong, we could all turn to her for help.

I tell you this because I met a young man today that made a significant impact on me. He lost his father a few years ago to liver disease. He then lived with his mother until she passed away from Lupus last year. After that happened, a series of other unfortunate events led him to become homeless and live out of his car. He is 21 years old. Every day he manages to collect enough money to come and shower at our facility so that he can arrive presentable to his part-time job. The part-time job that barely pays him enough to get him to and from. I feel wrong even sharing that much about him, but just know that his story absolutely broke my heart.

I’ll tell you why. I think of Brother #2 who is only 22 years old. And I think about how much (whether or not he wants to admit it) he still depends on The Mom’s. And, although, I know that if we lost the Mom’s this very day, the kid would survive, it’s still nice to know she’s there, you know? I can’t imagine what this young man is going through. I hope to never know what’s like to be that alone in this world. But he’s a fighter. And I liked that about him. So many people that come through my office are so quick to blame the world for their misfortunes. You’d be surprised how many people I meet in crisis that are completely incapable of accepting any type of responsibility. And this 21-year-old kid did. It made me want to go all Blind Side on him and bring him home and feed him and give him a warm place to stay.

There aren’t too many people whose lives I get to make a difference in. Yes, I might help them get over a minor hurdle, but I never get to fully get my hands dirty and do some hardcore work with anyone. Not at my current job anyway. Meeting this kid today made me miss the days when I truly was making an impact on young people’s lives. I’m very limited to what I can do now…but at least I can offer him some guidance. Who knows if the kid even wants my help. For all I know he’s just fine as he is. But all I can think about is my baby brother…and if he were to ever find himself alone, I wish someone would be there to help him. That’s it.

Sick Shit (Literally)

I'd like to dedicate today's post to every parent who has ever had to take care of a sick child. I've never had to...but I got a preview of what it might be like last night. And it wasn't fun. We came home after the Super Bowl to a bunch of chores we had to complete. We left Little Farrah B. in her crate as we didn't want her having any accidents in the house since we couldn't walk her immediately after getting home. As I ran around taking care of things, I heard her let out a new cry. It was quite different from her "let me out of here" whimpers, but I ignored her regardless. So about, 45 minutes after we got home, I finally went to Little Farrah B.'s crate and saw that not only had she barfed all over the place, she'd also had a mad case of diarrhea. Fucking ey! I grabbed her and took her to the bathtub so she could get a good scrub down from LSG. Wouldn't you know it? The poor thing got a mad, mad case of the squirts. All over LSG's bathtub. So after some sick ass cleaning and hardcore disinfecting, all was back to normal. Until we woke up this morning to find another squishy surprise. Obviously, we aren't going to be mad at Little Farrah B., she can't help being a dog and eating shit she's not supposed to. But it's not been fun taking care of the mess. So, anyway, Big Up's to all of you who've had to deal with an actual sick kid...I know that kid barf is far more gross than dog barf. And I know it must be quite tiring. I'm pretty tired from just two or three accidents. I just truly, truly hope Little Farrah B. is good by the time we get home. It's actually quite sad.

This Week #10

This Week's Disbelief: I can't believe how many reality shows are on cable! Half of them don't even make sense. Like, does anyone really give a flying fuck about Pepa?!

This Week's Favorite Quote: "Let's destroy the world with happiness."-Little girl at Flame Broiler.

This Week's Increasing Joy: Spending time with The Little Nephew. I love that little guy. 

This Week's Sort Of Worth A Second Shot: I finally sat through The Hurt Locker. Still not my kind of movie.

This Week's Relief: The groin is starting to feel much better.

This Week's But: Now my ankle is not so good. 

This Week's Disappointment: "Lopez Tonight." I really thought it would be funny. Not. At. All.

This Week's Happy News: The Sixter and The Yankee are having a boy!! 

This Week's Decision: I'm going Vegan for March. Just to try it out. 

This Week's Surprise: I've talked shit about religion, family, and God knows what else. Still, I've never gotten more e-mails or texts than I did over the "boot" post. Y'all take your fashion pretty seriously!! For the record...I still think they're lame.