Secrets can be motherfuckers. Sometimes you come across some information that you wish you would've never found out about. Somehow the fucking burden becomes yours and it sucks. Especially when it's something that you consider to be morally wrong and the person doing the wronging doesn't seem inclined to make it right. This weekend I was forced to face a situation that I was not quite ready for.
See, knowing this shit, I figured the best way to handle it was avoidance. This is all pretty new to me. It's like you've got to protect your alliance (as weak as it may be) by keeping their secret, but at the same time, what they've done is so shitty that you don't even want to face the other person. As a man, as a human, there are certain things I cannot justify. I know that if down the line I found out LSG was running some dirty shit on the down low and those that I sat with and had dinner with and laughed with knew about it the whole time, I would feel like the world’s biggest fool. So, I thought I’d remove myself from the situation. I don’t want that on my conscience. So it presents a hardship when you’re forced to interact with the one person you are not quite ready to face.
And I do consider the whole, “why should I feel bad, when I’m not the one fucking up in the first place?” But the thing is, I just can’t stand by it. I can’t know what I know and then still sit there and watch someone be affectionate to someone who is completely oblivious to what’s going on. It makes me sick. And I’m sure I came across as the biggest asshole, but I couldn’t even look them in the face. I couldn’t. So really, while I’m trying to not be a bad person, I sure as fuck acted like one. But how do you explain that? Truly makes you wish people would just come clean with their shit. On the real.