ChinoValdez.com

Withdrawal

These man-tits

And these love-handles

They’re the only ties I have to you

They’re all that’s left of the mess that you created

And your parting gifts don’t suit me well

And I know I’ve sworn that I could quit you

I know you’ve heard it time and time before

But cold turkey isn’t cutting it

It’s not that easy to just let go

My body’s yearning for your comeback

I just want to have you one more time

How do I get you out of my system

How do I beat this mad withdrawal

I’m shaking, I’m anticipating

But baby you’re no good for me

I’m sweating, I’m regretting

But baby you’re no good for me

For The Sixter

I wrote this one about 8-9 years ago for one of my college buddies to perform in competition. Recently, though, I’ve had the opportunity to watch my cousin, The Sixter, on the dance floor and I thought I’d post it on here, now dedicated to her. It should explain itself...

 

Dance Anyway

 

There’s no rhythm I can step to

And no beat that I can keep

No move that I’ve perfected

I ain’t even trying to look sleek

And yet I dance like I know what I’m doing

As if it’s natural to me

As if I’m John Travolta

As if there’s Jackson blood in me

I dance like I’m a native

And I’m hoping for some rain

As if I’m Billy Elliot

And I can blow your mind away

What Fred Astaire could never do

I’ve conquered in my dreams

Even the great Jose Limon

Could never step to me

What Paula Abdul only wishes

I’ve already done

And if you think I’m playing

Wait til this DJ plays my song

I know my skills are laughable

And that I dance with two left feet

But get me near a disco ball

And I’ll show you shit you’ve never seen

Out

You bring out the Mexican in me

That feeling which makes me

Want to kidnap you on horseback

And ride off to forever

That makes me want to wear a charro hat

And serenade you with songs of my grandfather

That reminds me that a bottle of Don Julio

Could never be enough to cure me if you leave

 

You bring out the macho in me

The knowing I can rule this world

If I have you for my queen

The capability of conquering innumerable feats

Simply to impress you

That recognition that as a woman

You are the center of my universe

 

You bring out the warrior in me

The realization that if I’d have to kill for you

I would

That I would fight to save us

Until my last breath has been taken

That I would gladly spill my blood

Knowing it was in your honor

 

You bring out the Kahlo in me
Without fear of painting sadness on my face

Knowing you are with me

Without shame in obsessing over a love

That brings completion to my mind

Without inhibition of my body

As I share myself with you

 

You bring out the lover in me

This Time

Shame on you for breaking this heart of mine

But shit

Shame on me if I let you do it twice

If I forget how it felt to lose you

How it felt to lose myself in you

Shame on me for putting my own needs aside

Despite the shit you put me through

Despite me knowing something wasn’t right

And shame on me for even listening now

For perpetuating the cycle

By letting you back in

Knowing eventually there will be hell to pay

But this time I’m ready with my gloves on

This time I’m gonna even things out

I’m hitting you with everything I have within me

With all my Nicaraguan rage

Shame on me if I don’t throw some punches

If I don’t match you blow for blow

If I don’t reciprocate the pain

This time I have to be willing to break you

This time I’m coming back to end you

And you won’t even know what hit you

Shit

Shame on me if you can fool me twice

For Frida

I, like you, long to live forever
Through what I love the most
This very page is the canvas for my immortality
And it's through these words that I'll keep breathing

I, like you, am cursed with a body
In which my mind does not belong
In which my spirit's true potential remains buried
In which my only source of insecurity still lies

I, like you, have become the subject I know best
I've discovered beauty in the pain
And have found a certain art
In the way my tears have fallen

I, like you, long to paint my own reality
Where only my one true love and I exist
Where she can by my moon, my sun
And only source of inspiration

I, like you, long to live forever
With who I love the most

Valentine's Day

I want to go back to Valentine’s Day
So I can throw my arms around you
And beg you not to leave me
Beg you to hold on and fight
And not give up so easily
And maybe I could build up the courage
To tell you I’ve forgiven
And that none of the past matters
If you’d just please stay with me
I’d tell you I know where it all came from
That I know it wasn’t entirely your fault
And I would pray and plead and bargain
If I knew it’d make a difference
Because I wasn’t ready for this wound
I wasn’t ready for what was to be left in your place
And I wanted to tell you that
What I hated most about you
Is now what I love most about myself
This Nicaraguan blood defines me
So quick to act before thinking
So quick to defend what’s mine
And I miss you so much more
Than I ever thought I would
More that I ever thought was possible
And I want to go back to Valentine’s Day
So I can call you all the times that I forgot to
I’d give the world to hear your stories now
The same ones that I would roll my eyes at
And wished you’d hurry up and conclude
I’d tell you now to take your time and finish Papi
I want to hear them one and all
There was so much that screamed inside me
That I couldn’t so much as say out loud
I never quite found all the right words
To say goodbye like you deserved
Like I rehearsed so many times inside my head
And I should’ve told you that you mattered
My sweet Viejo
You meant the world to me
I wish I could go back to Valentine’s Day
So I could brace myself for what was to come
If only I had known that was the last for us
If only I had stayed a few more hours
I never knew that pain like this existed
It’s as if my heart will never heal
As if I will never be the same
There’s not a day that I don’t think of you
I swear to God not even one
And I miss you so much more than I was ready for
More than I ever thought I could

Goodness

You, my goddess
With those curves
You got this brotha going crazy
You got my senses all out of control
Counting all my blessings
Knowing I can run my fingers up and down
That rollercoaster of your body

Go on with your bad self
Looking like a woman truly should
You got me wanting to drop my resistance
In believing there’s a God
For only a higher power
Could be behind that ass of yours
Michelangelo himself could never have
Imagined such a glorious form

So walk with your head high
Put some pride in that stride
You should have no shame in that bounce
And definitely no shame in that shake
Let them stick figure bitches hate
Afterall, only a dog can love a bone
But your man
Shit, girl, your man
Is loving what you’re woking with

Enough

I’m fixin’ to create my own language
So I can tell you that I love you
Like no man has said it before
But it still could never be enough
To quite convey what I am feeling
To quite describe this love of mine for you
I mean I’m willing to strike a deal with the devil
To help me make good on my promise
Of taking my last breath lying next to you
But even that could never prove all my devotion
Even that could never quite spell out how I feel
What exists here in my self for you
I mean I’d give up R&B for you
No more Stevie, no more Prince, for you
Get it, I’m willing to be miserable for you
But it still would never be enough
To show you that you’ve enhanced my existence
To show you I’m much better all because of you
And I would lose my mind if I would lose you
I’m saying I’d do some crazy shit for you
Fed-Ex you my left ear or something
Whatever it would take to get my point across
But even that could never be enough
To demonstrate that I am ridiculously in love with you
To demonstrate that I am shit without you
I’m fixin’ to write a million poems until you get it
Until I can finally make you understand
That I love you dearly
That I am your man unequivocally
That I am yours without control

Little White Lies

There weren’t too many things you wanted
Not much you asked for from this life
Nothing spectacular and nothing fancy
The simple things always sufficed
But something happened along the way
Suddenly things started to feel off
You no longer met the standard
A redefinition had to start
So a lie here, a little white lie there
But you couldn’t hold on to your self
So another here and another there
It’s not like anyone could tell
You kept spinning little, little lies
Always making sure that you kept track
You lost all real things in the process
And now there is no going back
The little white lies got the best of you
And you started feeling trapped
Another lie to cover that
Fiction soon blurs all the facts
You let yourself get to the deep end
Without first learning to swim
You set the bar at a level you can’t handle
You’re in a race you cannot win
You missed those things that made you
What once brought true joy to your soul
In the meantime keep pretending
Let the lies cover that hole
Remember when all was simple
When you still held on to your ties
When your reflection seemed familiar
Before you got lost in all the lies
Little lies, little, little, white lies
They’re all that make you
But little lies, little, little white lies
Are gonna break you
Little, little lies
Little, little white lies
Open
Up
Your
Eyes

Block

I want to write the poem that will change your life
The one that makes you think
Ay, that motherfucker’s good
The one that will get you to the store
To pick up Cisneros and Williams
And make you wonder how many times
I’ve read Loose Woman because it’s all over my shit

I want to write the poem that cements my love for you
The one that gets you thinking
Ay, my papi loves me, que chulo
And then you’ll want to run to me
And give me your sweet kisses
Because you haven’t read such a beautiful thing
Since Edward declared his love for Bella

I want to write the poem that gets me noticed
The one that will have fools wondering
Ay, Chino, where’ve you been
Because before they read it
They couldn’t wait for Jewel’s next book
And then they’d Google me
Just to realize that I’ve done shit

I want to write the poem that gets me going
The one I’ll finish and think
Ay this is it…this is the one
The one that gets me reacquainted with my first love
And sends my keyboard into overdrive
It'll be the one that reminds me of what I’m here for
And I’ll get to it just as soon as I get past this block
Just as soon as I get past this fucking block