ChinoValdez.com

Sacrifice (Keeping It Way Too Real)

Those of you who know me on the real, know that my biggest insecurity is my weight problem. And I call it a problem because that's what it is for me. I have a serious problem with food. I basically have absolutely no self-control when it comes to sweets...or really anything baked and sweet. And it was something that actually started when bonding with my dad as a kid. A few hours after dinner, he'd serve himself a tall glass of milk, bring out the sweet bread or cookies and go to town on them. And I'd join him. As an adult, even though my body tells me it's had enough, my mind wants to keep going. It's like I think if I just eat it all, there won't be any left for me to continue. It's sick. And it's a real issue for me. The fatness this habit has produced, has created the most crippling of insecurities in me. I mean, I can laugh at myself, and make jokes...but the truth is that about 99% of the times I'm feeling like shit about myself, it is directly related to the weight. I tell you...my feminine side comes out in full force when it comes to this. There are days when I feel like the world is staring at me because something doesn't fit right. Or they wonder what the hell LSG could be doing with a fatass like myself. Bottom line, being fat has held me back for almost my entire life. There is a long list of things I only dream of doing. But silly (although logical in my mind) thoughts always overtake the courage I might have to try them. Like if I go kayaking I'll tip the kayak over. If I karaoke, people will laugh and point at the fat guy trying to bust some Boyz II Men. It is a pretty fucked up handicap I've developed for myself. The logical part of me knows I'm not even THAT big. But I'm bigger than I want to be.

I'm allowing myself to write more than I would normally be comfortable with sharing, because I want you all to know that I'm finally doing something about it (again). About five or six weeks ago, LSG and I came to the conclusion that it was time to do something about this mess we'd created for ourselves. So we basically just changed the way we eat and we've become more active. Sounds pretty simple right? It's not. It's really fucking hard. You're basically mind-fucking yourself in order to get the rest of your body in shape. I get the runs every single morning from drinking some cleansing "green" juice. My legs are so fucking sore. But the crazy thing is...it's worth it. I'm not weighing myself...it's weight loss suicide for me if I do so. But I'm starting to see a difference and that is pretty encouraging. The clothes are fitting looser, the energy level is kicking up. It's a good place to be. And I've got all sorts of motivation. The biggest being I just don't want to be fat. I'm done with it. I'm done with having to give the t-shirts a little stretch so they fit right. I'm done with not being able to find anything in my size at regular stores. I'm done with cringing at myself in pictures. Look, food is good. It's fucking great. But when you have no self-control, then it can be a motherfucker. And if I have to sacrifice a few things I love in order to get to a place I am yearning to be in life...then so be it. Because a pack of cookies can never give me the pleasure and satisfaction of maybe one day not being the fat guy with a t-shirt on in the pool or the beach. And that alone is worth the sacrifice. Word.

It's Too Late To Apologize?

You know how when you're a little kid and your parents, or guardians or whomever start teaching you to apologize for every little bad thing you do? Ever wonder if that's a good thing? I mean, we're pretty much taught that whatever we do...whether it's hit our sibling or call someone fat, as long as we say, "I'm sorry", everything is going to be just dandy. But what about when we grow up? Do we really think that an apology is going to erase the wrong we've done? And if so, when we apologize, who are we trying to make feel better...the person we're apologizing to or ourselves?

I am a holder of grudges. I don't care. I will hold on like a motherfucker. Despite what anyone tries to tell me, it is impossible for me to forget and forgive when I feel that I've truly been done wrong. And no matter how much a person apologizes, it makes no difference whatsoever. Because the damage has already been done. Let's be real here...if I beat the shit out of La Shy Girl, just because I then apologize does not mean my fist didn't hurt her. It won't automatically stop her from flinching everytime she'd see my hand coming toward her. So even if I post a lame apology video on YouTube, I can't expect to be forgiven, right? If I steal money from someone...as much as I say "I'm sorry", it ain't going to make things right. In other words, an apology is not going to erase the wrong we've done. And so on...

Look, I fuck up a lot. I put my foot in my mouth more than should be humanly possible. Therefore, I'm apologizing like crazy all the time. But like every human being, only some of those times do I actually feel bad. I know when I've done damage and that's when I sincerely pull an apology out of me. And it's for myself and the person I've hurt. For the most part, though, I'm only apologizing because I think it's what the other person wants to hear. Not because I genuinely feel bad. But what do you do? Keep creating conflict?

On the real, I'm not saying we should stop apologizing all together. I'm simply trying to say that we can't expect an apology to make things right. You can't think two little words will make everything okay. Because they can't. I imagine it is only through our actions that we can start to mend relationships. And maybe we can be a little more careful with the people we love...therefore, preventing the need to even have to say "I'm Sorry". I don't know if I can even go a week without inevitably saying something I shouldn't. But I can certainly try.

Substance

It's time to bring some legit substance into my life. LSG and I went for our now routine walk last night and she got all political on me. Talking about everything from how the President needs to start following through on things before he starts to lose more of his approval rating to how in about 20 years, there will be no bees left in the world if everyone doesn't wake up and do something about it. I couldn't keep up with the conversation. And she was so passionate about everything she was talking about. I was quite impressed. And then ashamed that I had no idea what she was talking about. In my world, if it doesn't involve Big Brother strategy or music business news, I am completely clueless about most things going on. I see now that this is a problem. For the longest time, we've had so much interesting material stemming from our families to discuss that we always focused on that. Now that we've successfully removed ourselves from certain elements, we're on our own for conversation topics. I was able to give up Perez Hilton and TMZ and all that crap a little while ago. Now I need to just add some substance into my life. I want to help the bees and the polar bears. Or at least know about what they are facing. As I continue to try and makeover my exterior, I might as well work on my interior. I gotta keep up with what's going on in the world. It's not like I'm a dumb fool. I just stopped caring a while ago.

The news has been so discouraging that I found no reason to continue watching. Besides, The Female Bestie was a communications major in college and she'd always tell me about how other countries report the news compared to how we get it in the U.S. Our news reporting is pretty fucking lame. When you start to believe that we're only told certain parts of the story, you begin to call bullshit. And it's hard for me to sit there and just believe everything they tell us. I adopted oblivion as my way of dealing with world news. The less I know about how corrupt everything really is, the better for me. But I can learn to choose a bit more wisely. I need to find out what news source is more reliable and then go from there. Because while I may not believe it all, I still don't want to walk around like a big dumb fuck that doesn't know shit  about what's going on in the world. And calling Sarah Palin a dumbass every once in a while doesn't count. You don't need to read a news article to realize that.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Costco

So, we’re heading to Costco to pick up some essentials, right? I’m in the furthest right lane (next to the turning lane). I realize that there is a dude behind me who can’t turn because I’m blocking the entrance into his lane. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t care but I’m in a good mood, so I get as close as I possibly can to the car in front of me, therefore, giving the dude behind me enough room to get by. I realize that I’ve gotten almost too close to the car in front so I put my car in reverse. As I’m doing so, I see a Mustang coming at me pretty fast, so I put my car back in drive and wait for my light to turn green. Douchebag in the mustang decides he wants to be dick and honks his horn in a very obnoxious and unnecessary manner. I, of course, give him the one fingered salute as he speeds past me. I feel much better. Then the mustang stops. I say, "Oh, please get out. Please get out." Door opens and out comes a shirtless 16 or 17 year old white kid. Give me a break. Out of the passenger side comes a 16 or 17 year old, short, Hispanic kid possibly cursing at me. (I have my windows rolled up, so can’t really hear anything they’re saying.) Meanwhile my light is still red. I roll down my window, and La Shy Girl immediately rolls it back up. So here are these two boys taunting me to get out of my car. At this point I get the biggest smirk on my face thinking..."What a fucking joke." I stay in my car mostly because I’m a lover not a fighter, but also because I’m 30 years old and I’m not about to actually fight some teenage punks. And I get more satisfaction knowing that me smiling is pissing them off even further, but neither of them actually approaches my car. I finally yell out, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA DO WEBSTER?" La Shy Girl rolls up my window before I get to hear a response. My light turns green and I finish driving to Costco.

Once we were walking around the store, I had to wonder; what kind of country are we living in where even punk little spoiled white kids in Anaheim Hills take the middle finger so seriously? Is this not America? Do I know longer have the right to flip someone off when they piss me off on the road, for fear that I might have to run them down with my car? And how foolish are we when we don’t think things through? Had they tried to inflict any actual damage to LSG and I, how easy wouldn’t it have been for me to get there license plate number, get there home address and let my two Samoan-sized brothers take care of business? I mean, really?

Chino Valdez Helping People Out

I got asked this question today...

What do you think of women who take back a cheating husband?

So I answered it...

This is one of those questions that I think only the person experiencing this shit could answer for themselves. I could easily look at a woman who’s taking her cheating husband back and think she’s weak and a coward and a fool for even considering taking the asshole back. But I don’t know the circumstances surrounding her decision. I know that the standard answer would be that everyone makes mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance. As I get older, I realize that there is much truth to that.

Infidelity is a sore spot for me. I hate it. I think it shows not only a lack of self-respect, but also an obvious sense of disrespect for one’s partner. That being said, I can’t 100% say that if LSG allowed some other fool in her holy land, I wouldn’t take her back. Relationships are based on trust. Once that trust is broken, I could see myself turn into a foolish, jealous loco. As much as I would be pissed and hurt, I don’t know that I would actually choose to live this life without her in my life. I’d like to think that I’d be strong enough to walk away…but I doubt it. Again, though, you can’t be in a healthy relationship if you don’t trust the person you’re with.

Which leads me to my next point…if a person has made a decision to take a cheating partner back…then that person needs to make sure they are completely ready to forgive and forget. Yes, your man fucked up…but if you take him back, it’s on you. You can’t blame him if he does it again. You can’t be mad at your friends for talking shit. You need to be in all the way. I know someone who took back her husband after he had an affair. They got back together about five years ago. To this day, she is still throwing it in his face. Using it as a weapon to get what she wants. Reminding him how lucky he is that she was willing to take him back. That blows. And it probably makes the guy want to do it all over again just to get her to shut the fuck up.

And other women handle it with grace. There’s couple’s counseling, there’s God for some people. They are willing to do whatever it takes to save their marriage. I’m sure they know it sucks that they were even put in that position, but they are willing to fight. And that’s very admirable too. I read an article about Elizabeth Edwards choosing to forgive her husband John after he had an affair with some other woman. She talks about not allowing that one thing to define her otherwise perfect marriage. And she moved on. I think we have to respect those women that are willing to forgive such indiscretions. Without feeling like they have to rehash it all the time.

Bottom line is, it's a tough place to be in. But it is what it is.

Allow Me To Elaborate

I wanted to write a little bit more about that video I posted over the weekend. I was in a hurry and didn't quite get to elaborate on it. Here's the thing...I don't think the clip I posted shows this, but right after the couple dances they get judged a la American Idol. And you can see that each of the judges had a strong reaction to this performance. One judge in particular (I'm not sure who she is) had a full breakdown while critiquing the contestants. This judge talks about people with cancer always thinking they're going to beat it, even when they don't. And how when they're sick they are more worried about their loved ones being okay than about themselves. And her words just rang so true to me.

 

My first experience with cancer was with The Mom's sister. I was only about 14 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer so I don't think I quite had the understanding about how serious it was. And even though I knew she was sick, I remember thinking that she sure didn't act like she was. She still tried to take part in conversations and asked how you were doing...made sure you were comfortable. When she passed away, I finally understood. A few years later, two more of The Mom's sisters were diagnosed with breast cancer. These are two women that I feel very close to and when the first of the two was diagnosed...I freaked out. At this point, all I knew about cancer was that you die from it.  They both went through their chemo and thankfully are still with us. But while they were each going through their treatment, they both put on such brave faces. They are two of the most beautiful and inspirational women in my life.

 

When my father was diagnosed in 2006, it hit me pretty hard. It was a difficult thing to truly comprehend. Initially, I was angry at the universe for making him go through what I knew was not going to be an easy process. But his spirits were good. LSG and I would come over and he would joke with us while we had dinner and so on. He seemed to be taking the chemo like a champ. He'd have his good days and his bad days but he always made an effort to try and make us smile. Then things went bad. The thing about cancer is that you go through the grieving process while the person is still alive. You don’t want to give up hope because you’re still looking at the person, but at the same time you almost wonder how in the world they are still alive. And when doctors tell you someone is doing good, you believe it. Despite what your gut is inclined to believe. You really do want to think they are going to beat it. The last time we took my dad into the hospital, The Mom's had just had surgery herself so I took him in. In the moment I helped my dad out of bed and had to hold him up because he couldn't even stand up anymore, my heart broke. I knew there was no way my father was going to survive this.

 

Shortly after my father died, both of grandmothers were diagnosed with some type of cancer. It’s like I have a personal relationship with the bitch. And so, despite how much time goes by, shit like that video  will always get to me. Anyway, I know this didn’t make much sense. I just wanted to elaborate a little bit more. But here’s the entire “This Woman’s Work” performance…AMAZING.

This Woman's Work

I'm not into dancing. I don't watch dancing shows (except for the celebrity one). I happened to come across this clip though and found it quite moving. It's from So You Think You Can Dance. Incredible. 

A Survey About Us

1. What is your wife's name?

La Shy Girl

2. How long have you been married?

4 wonderful years

 

3. How long did you date?

2 years

4. How old is she?

Old enough

5. Who eats more?

Really? You're going to ask the fat guy this? I can out eat her like a motherfucker.  

6. Who said I love you first?

She did. But she doesn't remember. Or so she says...

7. Who is taller?

Even when she wears 4-inch heels I’m still taller. I like that.

8. Who sings better?

I have the voice of an angel. Her…not so much. 

9. Who is smarter?

I'm more of a smart ass. She's got a very old soul and definitely makes wiser decisions than I ever will.

10. Whose temper is worse?

I win!!

11. Who does the laundry?

I do, but she folds. Then I put it away.

12. Who does the dishes?

She cooks, I do the dishes. You'd think my job was the easiest. But she uses what feels like every dish we own. I'm sure she does it on purpose.

13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?

I do.

14. Who pays the bills?

I do, with plenty of reminders from her. .

15. Who mows the lawn?

If we had a lawn, it sure as hell wouldn't be either of us. Do you even know who I am?

16. Who cooks dinner?

She does. But I'm great at serving cereal.

17. Who drives when you are together?

Always me. That’s one of the few macho things in me. If I’m there, there should be no reason for my wife to drive.   

18. Who is more stubborn?

We most definitely each have our stubborn moments. But I always give in first.  

19. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong?

As much as I hate to admit it, it is usually me. But that's cause I get a little crazy sometimes. It's the Nicaraguan blood!!

20. Whose parents do you see the most?

Mine. But The Mom's lives in the same county. La Suegra lives in Riverside. Enough said. 

21. Who proposed?

Me, of course. I didn't marry a hairy-legged feminist.

22. Who is more sensitive?

For about a week every month, she is.

23. Who has more friends?

I am slightly more social than she is…but what’s mine is hers and what’s hers is mine.  

24. Who has more siblings?

We each have two siblings.

25. Who wears the pants in the family?

50/50 in my house. Always.  

26. Where did you meet your wife?

Allegedly at her job way before we even dated. But I remember the official meet being at the Bre-Dawg's house.

27. What was the first thing you said to your wife?

Something like...“why are you standing me up [LSG]? Can't your mom and sister move on their own?

28. Where was your first date?

Some place called Rock Bottom in Irvine.

29. Where was your first kiss?

Some place called Rock Bottom in Irvine.

30. Where did you get engaged?

At our first apartment. Yeah, we lived in sin…so? It was a very personal moment for the two of us.

31. Where were you married?

Orange, CA.

32. Where was the honeymoon?

It hasn't quite happened yet! But I'm taking her to Puerto Rico for our five-year anniversary/long overdue honeymoon next year.

Manny The Fanny

I heard on the radio that it was his birthday today...so in honor of that,I give you my favorite clip from my favorite highly underappreciated actor John Leguizamo...

And Then It Hit Me

La Shy Girl and I have some relatively new neighbors...actually, I think they've been there about a year now. That part's irrelevant. We believe they're a bunch of female college students sharing the townhome. In true Chino and Shy Girl fashion we have not uttered a full sentence to them the whole time they've been there. I don't believe in being friends with neighbors. If something goes wrong, you still have to live by them. So we smile and wave and do all that fake shit, but have no interest in even knowing what their names are. Anyway, being college students and all, they often have friends over who end up leaving in the wee hours of the morning. They have loud ass conversations right outside our bedroom window and consequentially wake us up. I've let it go several times. But this morning, I couldn't. I heard the laughing and the talking, I looked at my cell phone, realized it was 2:53 a.m., put on a pair of shorts and went outside. On my way downstairs, I debated quickly which tactic to employ. Will I be grumpy guy? Will I be cool guy? I ended up being half-awake cool guy. Or so I like to think. I said, "Hey guys, I hate to be a dick...But it's 3 o'clock and you're right outside our bedroom window." They were actually quite respectful. And although I could still hear their conversation for the next twenty minutes, it was at least softer. As I walked back up the stairs, all proud of myself, it suddenly hit me. I'm really 30 years old. And I lay my head on my pillow with the biggest smile on my face.