ChinoValdez.com

Hateration

I’m used to people hating on me. When you achieve a certain level of awesomeness, it is only natural that others will try and bring you down. I imagine its how Jay-Z feels. Most of the time I’m able to brush it off and move on...no big deal. But over the weekend, something was thrown at me that I wasn’t quite expecting. As I’ve written on here many, many times there is nothing I strive for more than being a good husband. I take that shit very, very seriously. Besides what I post on the blog here, I don’t go around boasting about all the shit I do for La Shy Girl, but when I compare myself to other husbands I know, I’m pretty above average. No, let’s keep it real, I’m a fucking awesome husband. And I shouldn’t even have to justify it, really. But it truly bothers me that somebody, completely out of ignorance, would actually question my abilities as a husband. Here’s the thing: Don’t hate what we have because we have not let you in. Don’t assume that because we don’t come to you with every little problem, we must be hiding something. Just because you’ve had two failed marriages does not mean we will suffer the same fate. And don’t fucking call me out for something that you have absolutely nothing to back up with. That just pisses me off. It’s like this: What LSG and I have is ours. Whoever we decide to let in gets to see whatever we allow them to see. We know that we have to be protective of our shit. We don’t need everyone and their mom offering us advice on shit we can very well handle on our own. That’s been the key to the success of our marriage…keep everyone the fuck out. There is nothing unglier to me than hearing people talk about other people's couple problems. It's like, how the fuck do you even know that much shit? It's ugly and petty. On the real, what's worse than someone badmouthing somebody that they're just going to end up being with anyway? It's a game I will never play. But when someone is used to hearing whiney shit from others, it must kill them to not get it from us.It's just not going to happen. I mean, if I ever need relationship advice, I will either go to an expert or somene who I truly believed has maintained a succesful relationship. So, I get it, you're going to hate the unknown. It's sad that you can't look at us and think, hey they must be doing something right if I never hear either of them complain about each other. Instead you're going to assume some silly, silly shit. Look…this doesn’t hurt me. Not when it comes from someone like who it came from. Because I know there is nothing but bitterness involved; it simply pisses me off. God knows there is nothing I am more protective of than my wife and my marriage. I will cut a motherfucker. But seriously, if you have time to sit there and question who I am as a husband…take up a fucking hobby. I hear scrapbooking is all the rage.

For Michael

Michael Jackson has always been in my life. My parents' love of his music was instilled in me. I remember my dad playing "Off the Wall" when I was growing up. We'd go pick up The Mom's from work and we'd be jamming to that album. But it was "Thriller" that really cemented my love for Michael Jackson, the artist. As a kid, I'm not sure I clearly recognized the brilliance that was Michael Jackson. It was only as I grew older that I'd go back and re-watch footage when I finally got it. Michael Jackson was my idol, my fantasy-brother-in-law and one of my favorite artists of all time, during different stages of my life. I have continued to listen to Michael into my adulthood. I listen to him so much that I was kinda shocked to hear that his last real hit was like 14 years ago. It's like he's frozen in time for me. I can recall how I got every one of his albums. I remember being captivated by Captain EO at Disneyland. I remember gathering in the living room to watch the premier of his videos and thinking how amazing they were. Up until his video with Janet...I was just mesmerized. That shit was dope. And the music...when you stop to think that every single pop artist coming out after Michael has tried to model themselves after him, it becomes clear who this man as an artist really was. And no one has even come close. No one. "The Way You Make Me Feel" is one of my all time favorite songs. "Remember The Time" is right up there as well. But "Man In The Mirror" is like a religious experience. I hear God in that song. Man, when the choir kicks in midway...that is some powerful, powerful shit. Every single one of his songs takes me back to where I was in life when it was being played on the radio. I love Michael Jackson, the artist. We have lost quite possibly the world's best entertainer of all time. Words cannot quite express the sadness I feel.

The Time We Met Our Friends' New Baby

Our good friends had a baby about five weeks ago. And about five weeks ago, The Mom’s gave us a gift to give them. We finally went over last night to drop it off…and meet the baby. And I had a minor panic attack. You know, we’ve met newborns before…it’s nothing new. But the newborn’s parents have always been adults…like real adults. Aunts, older cousins and older friends, you know. This kid, however, belonged to our friends. Friends I’ve grown up with. Friends that are now parents. And we sat there and we listened to them jokingly (I think) tell us not to have kids. And they told us how it’s not all it’s made out to be. She was telling us how she was ready to go shopping with her friends and then remembered that she had a child and couldn’t. And he told us about always being able to balance his wife and family and friends and now his schedule is non-existent.

And as I was there listening to them, I couldn’t help but kinda think they looked like shit. I know it’s a fucked up thing to say about my friends…but it’s a damn real thing to say. And in the moment that I allowed myself to mentally be in their shoes, I freaked the fuck out. This was the most realistic description of new parenthood I’d ever heard. There was no fucking sugarcoating. There was no "but it’s all worth it." Not even close. I don’t know if it was because they know how we feel about kids or if it was because they felt that they could be honest with us. I don’t know…but they kept it pretty fucking real.

These are our crazy friends. Our "up for anything" friends are now…parents. We excused ourselves and went back to The Mom’s. On the way there we talked about how this could absolutely never be us. Never. Ever. Ever, Ever, Ever! I can’t describe the feeling that came over me. It was just too real. Too real, man. And, of course, The Mom’s tried to smooth it over by saying only the first three months are hard and that it gets easier. But the truth is no matter how old that kid is, your life is never YOUR life again. Yes, you can get a babysitter every once in a while and remember what it was like to watch a movie whenever you wanted or go to the club or whatever. But on the real…you’re still a parent.

We’ve been on the "no children" train for a while now. But never has it felt more legit than after last night. It’s like all our beliefs were validated. We are not meant to have children.

The Five: "Would You Ever" Survey

Change your friends you hang out with?

Not a chance. I'm finally at the point where I can truly speak highly about every single person I call a friend. I know I talk about my friends all the time, but the truth is that they are all a blessing in my life. I'm too old to be trying to make a bunch of new friends. And there's so much comfort in being comfortable with a nice, small group of individuals. I wouldn't trade any of those fuckers for the world.

Give up swearing?

Not a chance. I cannot complete more than four sentences without swearing. I went 14 years without swearing, I've got a lot of time to make up. I no longer have the ability to edit myself in front of anybody. I actually feel more kindred to someone they second they utter their first bad word in front of me. If someone is offended, I try and stop...but at this point it's just a natural thing to me.

Give up buying branded products to save money?

When I was younger I used to be so embarrassed that The Mom's would buy a bunch of generic shit. I would cringe when she'd throw a bag of Malt-O-Meal cereal in the shopping cart. But now I understand. And with most things, if there is a generic version of it, I will take it. With a few exceptions. My ketchup has to be Heinz. And I would never buy generic toothpaste...that just seems gross.

Be a stay-at-home parent?

FUCK NO!

Live in the same house as your in laws?

This is the kind of question that could get me in trouble, so I will proceed carefully. My mother-in-law is a nice lady and a wonderful cook. However, I would strongly explore every other option possible before taking something like this on. It is one thing to see someone once or twice a month and another to actually share a home with them. So, no, I couldn't do this. It's not a bad reflection on my mother-in-law, it's just...you know. My father-in-law, though, might be kind of fun to live with. I'd actually consider that. On the real.

Family Matters

I had a few conversations about family, more specifically about siblings, with some folks this past weekend and I started thinking about my own relationships with my brothers and my extended family. Coming from a Latino background, family is a big thing. Huge thing. It's basically the backbone to the Latino experience. Some of us never even need friends because we have so many fucking cousins to hang out with. But there's a lot of responsibility that comes with having a large family. We are expected to simply go along with how things are and never so much as question traditions or customs that have been handed down from generation to generation. You know, we must always support our parents when they're older, whether they were good or bad parents to us growing up. We must help out our siblings in any situation whether or not they ever help us.

We're not like white families where everybody goes their own way and you only see each other for kid's birthdays or major holidays. No, we are all up in each other's business all the fucking time. Dude, my family was the original twitter, facebook and myspace. All you had to do was tell one person something and your business was broadcast all over the place. And it still is. In my family no one calls each other out. If you have a problem with someone, that person is only going to hear about it because somebody else let it slip out. The same people that are supposed to comfort you and nurture you are the ones out there spreading shit about you. They're out there hanging out with the same people that fucked you over in the first place. Well, I call bullshit. Definitely, not my idea of "family".

I'm not a stupid man. I don't want to continue the cycle of hypocrisy. I cannot sit there and socialize with the same people that I know are out there talking shit on my brothers or even The Mom's. I'm not in a place where I want to continue playing games. This is not to say that I don't truly value some of my extended family members. I love some of them quite a bit...I'm sure I've written about them at some point. I guess you just get tired of hearing the same people trying to start the same shit over and over again. It gets pretty old. And so, as I shared with some people, when you make a conscious decision to completely remove yourself from a certain element, you remove that power they think they have over you. The extended family is easy to get out of your life once you are okay with walking away.

My little immediate family has been able to function differently. Most of my major life decisions I run by The Mom's, but on the real, those are now decisions LSG and I make together. And while I love my brothers, we are not all up in each other's business all the time. And that works for us. I'm glad we have a small family. We rally around each other when needed and when not we mind our own fucking business. It's a great thing The Mom's has done in raising us. We didn't grow up being competitive with each other. My brothers' successes are never measured against mine or the other way around. And that is what family is to me. I've never understood the whole gossiping and backstabbing. If I hear someone talk shit on my brother, I will defend him tooth and nail. I would never just go along with it. It just doesn't make sense to me.

And so, yes, the family is a blessing and a curse. But, again, I strongly believe that it's up to us as individuals to define what it's going to be for ourselves. As much as I wish that people would just man up and talk to each other rather than about each other, I know my family is not going to change. So I had to. And so far so good.

Weekend Update

La Shy Girl and I had ourselves a nice, relaxing weekend again. If you care to know what we did, please read on. If not check back tomorrow and I should have something else up. (That's what he said.) Anyway, Friday and Saturday we did nothing but watch some movies. Here's what I learned from that...

1. Some women make their lives way more difficult than they need to. If a guy isn't giving you attention, it must mean he's just not that into you.

2. Horror remakes can sometimes be a total bust. How many incarnations can Jason take on for God's sake.

3. Fried green tomatoes can be pretty comforting.

4. And how many fucking Simon and Garfunkel songs could they have fit in The Graduate?

Sunday...Father's Day. LSG and I had breakfast with The Mom's and The Brother's at our favorite little joint called Pop's in Santa Ana. I think it's my family's way of honoring my dad even though he is no longer, technically, with us. Interestingly enough, I had a pretty crazy Sixth Sense-y dream the night before, where my dad kept asking The Mom's to go out to dinner but she refused to go. He was all dressed up, ready to go and she just didn't feel like getting out of bed, though I kept urging her to go as this was something my dad never really did. So they went out and I went into the basement (which we don't have) to finish laundry or something. As I was there, I got a quick glimpse of my dad as he looked when he was dying. In the dream, I realized that the dinner scenario could not have been possible. I could feel myself sobbing after that realization. Trip out.

So after breakfast, we made our way to Disneyland...we've got to make the most of our annual pass, yo. Anyway, we met up with The Sixter, The Yank and Baby G and had a freakin' great time. That cousin of mine is just a fucking crack up, I tell you. Here are some observations from that...

1. If I sit on a bench for two hours so that I may enjoy the fireworks spectacular from a good spot, what in the world makes you think I am willing to share with you if you try and come up on it 1 minute before the shit starts. Let's get real.

2. The stroller is a powerful thing when used the right way. Not only did we get to get on more rides because of the family switch thing thanks to Baby G, I got to run down a few people down with her stroller. I understand now, parents. I understand.

3. Speaking of running a few people down...Parents, seriously, don't let your 1-year-old children run around an area as busy as Downtown Disney unless you are right behind them. Because they may have the misfortune of being run down by someone who is completely indifferent to your little rug rats. And they may sincerely apologize to you but are also hoping that through your children's pain, you learn a valuable lesson. Idiot!

My Friends...

Call me from New York because they've heard a song that reminds me of them/Let me tag along to Petsmart to buy a shock collar because they know I have nothing else to do/Invite me to share something they love/Will go with me to Big Lots and help me dig through the used movie bin for Into The Wild/Will go watch a movie with me while I wait for La Shy Girl's hair to get did/Will write a silly song parody with me for a training at work/Come over with their Wii and allow me the experience of having my singing judged by Paula Abdul/Will defend my stance on love at first sight while my brother attacks it/Will read my shit and tell me if it sucks...even if I don't want to hear it/Explain shit to me in elementary detail until I understand it/Send me YouTube videos just to reminisce (Bell Biv Devoe still rock)/Tease me about new sushi joints/Keep the faith that one day we'll hang out again/Crack me up with their crazy Facebook posts/Are some talented motherfuckers/Forgive me if I lag/Constantly remind me of how good I have it.

Freewrite 3

Sitting in the “lounge” at work on my laptop. I’ve got my assistant sitting in front of me, but I can’t talk to her because she’s studying. Two other staff are back here eating cheeseburgers. Smells good. One just asked me if I ever eat. I said, look at me, of course I eat…or it could be a thyroid problem. Just debated Amy Winehouse vs. Lady Gaga in the ultimate battle of the butter faces. I had to go with Gaga. My cousin just texted me and asked me if I know anyone that wants Yanni tickets. I replied, Oh God No. Today, I learned that even via e-mail, Brother #2 and I can’t agree on shit. I almost wonder… if we didn’t have a fucked up cousin to make fun of, would we have anything to talk about at all? I was reminded today that Father’s Day is on Sunday. I’m so detached from the holiday that I’d completely forgotten. I like presents…but not enough to want to celebrate this again one day. LSG and I saw the Electrical Parade at California Adventure over the weekend. I cried. I remembered that the last time I’d seen the parade, I was sitting next to my dad. Crazy, what our minds allow us to remember. I went out to lunch with The Mom’s last week and did some nice catching up. It’s funny, she tells me other people’s stories and then ends them by saying, “I told them, they should talk to you.” Even though, I’m far from being a therapist, still nice to know she thinks I can help. It’s also nice to hear her talk like a Grandma. She was telling me stories about her friends and their grandchildren. And I started thinking about why parents and grandparents feel the need to exaggerate their children’s abilities. Is it to make themselves feel better? The Mom’s told me someone told her that their like 6-month-old grandson reacts to stories his mother reads him. And that he’s so smart, his mother has already enrolled him in classes. I told The Mom’s they’re “Mommy and Me” classes where stay-at-home moms all come together and roll balls with their kids. It’s not like the little fucker will be learning algebra. Speaking of other people’s kids, I attended a sixth grade promotion ceremony this morning to pimp out our programs and I realized that I would never, ever have to sit through one of those horrible things for my own kids. Put a smile on my face. Then they did this whole thing where every single kid in the group gets an award, so as to not leave any kid out. Fuck that, I thought, those little underachievers don’t deserve a pity award! It makes those that actually earned an award feel cheap…and no one likes that. I talked to some of the kids and they made me think about my own sixth grade experience. I was such a fucking dork. The highlight was winning the writing contest for my grade. I need to dig up the poem I wrote so I can share it with you all. Extremely lame but I kept the plaque I got.

I Just Wanted to Eat My Yogurt, Man!

LSG and I joined our good friend The Sweet Spirit for some frozen yogurt. While we were enjoying it, I put my phone on the coffee table/ottoman thing and had a rather entertaining conversation. Suddenly some child walks up to the ottoman thing and stares at the three of us...and at my phone. I'm not the kind of guy to fake smile at a child. I won't sit there and say, "oh how cute" unless I actually think so, so I just sat there and stared right back. I exchanged a few glances with the parents who just sat there and smiled at their 1 1/2 year old daughter now reaching for my phone. They're laughing and marvelling at their little precious interacting with strangers. Sweet Spirit is raving about how adorable this kid is (she doesn't have one mean bone in her), LSG is probably having an internal freak out about this kid getting ready to jump on her and bite her head off (she was really creepy looking)and I'm trying to figure out whether I grab my phone or just let the kid keep trying to get it. And I become irritated at the situation. Back your fucking kid up! Have some respect for those of us just trying to have a nice chat about impulsively buying a dog only to give it away a couple days later, without having to stop and give attention to your kid. But I chose to just sit there and watch. I wished I could tell them to get their fucking Benjamin Button looking kid away from my fucking phone. But I don't... I sit there and now awkwardly smile at the situation. Eventually the kid gave up and I picked up my phone. But it was enough to mentally add a tally to the "con" side of our parenthood chart. I don't know what comes over parents when they start to think the whole world is going to find their children as adorable and entertaining as they do. Especially when your kid is far from actually being so. For God's sake! It's just fucking rude , man!

Illegal

I'd be the first Mexican-American to not advocate for illegal immigrants. There, I said it. In fact, it irks me to the fullest when I see our youth protesting for illegal immigrant rights. They don't bother me, but theirs are not the issues I want to fight for in life. There are so many issues that citizens are facing, that I feel we should focus more on those. And The Mom's was a paisa the second time she crossed over, so you'd think I'd be sensitive to their needs. Look, I get that this whole country was built on the backs of immigrants...but that was a long time ago. This shit is as established as it's gonna get. And selfishly, I wish the wave of Mexicans coming over could stop for a few years so that everyone could acculturate and give our people a chance to prosper. 

I've come along way in my thinking regarding illegal immigrants, though. When I was younger, I wanted to grow up and be mayor of Santa Ana. I always thought I'd run on the platform of the promise to rid the city of its entire illegal immigrant population. I used to tell friends that I'd get a bunch of vans and go door to door asking people for legal documentation. If someone didn't have it, I'd give them 10 minutes to grab their favorite things and get all up in the van. Now, it's kinda sad that it's actually happening. But I wanted to be that pioneer! And now, here's the deal: It sucks when it's actually in your face. It's one thing to pretend that the issue doesn't really affect you, but it's another when you have to actually see the face of this population in your office all the fucking time! It's actually begun to eat away at me...to a small extent. 

I had a potential client come in to see me the other day. I gave them a list of documents they would need in order to apply. They called once everything was good to go and then I had them come in for an appointment. So, my assistant and I start screening them and collecting all their information. When we got to the identification part, they hand me a card from a different country. I tell them we need California I.D. and a Social Security Card. They didn't have either. So, I had to reject them for assistance. It actually kinda sucked for me. Every other aspect of their situation completely qualified them. But then, you know, I found comfort in knowing that the funds would then be available for someone who truly did qualify.  

The social services field is always the first one to see a bunch of cuts when money become scarce. The Governor of California is not going to make it easy for us. And he's certainly not going to make it any easier on illegal immigrants trying to access social service programs. And I wonder, what are those people going to do now? Clearly there was an issue in their home country to make them want to come here in the first place. But even more clearly, America is not in the state to try and take care of others right now. And truthfully, I would prefer that The Mom's still has access to her Social Security in a few years. I would prefer that I still have access to any government funds when my lazy ass finally goes back to school. 

It is a given that now that I'm older I have grown more sensitive to families here illegally. I understand they are just trying to make a better life for themselves. I now know some of these families and I know that life in this country is not easy for them. It angers me that they weren't given the opportunities back home to really make something of themselves. But as an American, I understand that we need to start taking care of our own. If The Mom's couldn't help me because she had just helped out some random dude that permanently crashed in her home, I'd be pissed. Because I'm her son and I sure as fuck deserve it more. It sounds terrible...I know. But what do you do? It sucks that my (real) people have become the unofficial face of illegal immigration when you know we have fuckers from all over the place. (Those Canadians are sneaky!!) And it sucks that there is no chance in hell they can go back to Mexico, much less a country like Nicaragua and try to make it. There's no hope. There's just no fucking hope. My job is to help people. It's what I've always wanted to do. It's the greatest feeling when I can hand someone a check and say, "Dude, you're not going to lose your home this month." But it sucks like ass to have to say, "Dude, sorry. Figure it out on your own, because technically you don't belong here." And it's even suckier to have to justify to yourself that, in fact, they don't.