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Even Though I Try, I Can't Let Go

La Shy Girl and I have been re-watching some Sex and the City episodes, since there's nothing to watch on t.v. anymore. Anyway, there was one episode that dealt with the ladies' ghosts...more specifically the ghosts of their past relationships and them having to deal with them eventually. Watching it, it really brought home some recent conversations that I've had with some people. On the real, once a relationship is over, how long is it before it's considered unhealthy to still hold on?

I always tended to move right on. Once something was over, I would proceed to get rid of everything that reminded me of the relationship and work on getting over it. With one relationship in particular, I'd go back, accumulate new things and eventually throw those out when it ended again. I always understood that the right person was still out there for me, so I never really worried too much. My good friend recorded a ceremonial bonfire where he discarded all that reminded him of his ex girlfriend. Of course, he has gone back a few times as well. So did we ever really let go if we were willing to put ourselves at our exes' beck and call? Eventually, I did. And I'm betting he will as well. So, is it better to force the person out of your heart than it is to hold on in vein?

La Shy Girl and I are going on being together for six years now. Before we even met, an old friend of mine had just ended a long-term relationship. I shit you not, six years later, she still talks about him. She's dated other guys, she's even proclaimed that "the single life rocks" but there she is still still pining for a man who is married, with children. That can't quite be healthy, right?

What about fooling oneself into moving on to another relationship, when we are not ready? Is it fair to remain in a relationship when you are still "haunted" by another? Doesn't sound right to me. I understand that letting go is hard some times, but at some point we've got to pick ourselves up and move the fuck on. Shit ends for a reason...it does us no good to hold on to something that can't be. And when we've convinced that we are ready to move on, then we damn well better make sure we've done it before shacking up with someone else. Often, this could create a mess that we can't find a way out of. So, maybe it's about just allowing ourselves to grieve at our own pace. We should fulfill our own needs for a while so that we don't have to fight against the memory of someone else. And no matter how tempting it is to revisit something, sometimes it's better to just never even look back.

Happy Birthday Brother # 2!

This kid brings so much joy to my life. Even at 22, there's still this pureness about him, this kindness that just radiates from him. I love this guy with all my heart and I maintain my hope that good things are going to come from him very soon. Happy birthday, Brother #2, remember that life goes by fast. You gotta grab it by the balls and take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way. Sometimes we have to spread our wings a little bit and leave our comfort zone in order to find our greatness. I know you'll find it...you're too good to let it go to waste. I love you. 

I Sought My Own Answers

Since no one was kind enough to offer their opinion on my post about finding salvation from the Lord only after doing something bad, I went and asked one of the most Christian friends I have. And here's what he told me...he said, yes, the Lord does indeed forgive any and every thing. (Sounds too easy to me.) However, and here's the part I like, he also said that if I had indeed killed someone, after finding Jesus, the right to do would be to turn my self in. That's what I'm talking about! Convincing yourself that you can change because you've allowed Jesus into your life doesn't change a fucking thing. And I guess that's where some people lose their validity with me. Don't come preaching your hypocritical bullshit to me knowing that you ain't right! That person you killed is still dead. 

I know we all fuck up. I know we all go and stick our head in shit every once in a while, but again, just because you go and seek the Lord to bring YOU peace, it doesn't make it right in eyes of the people you've hurt. Find all the refuge you want in Jesus, it sounds like he's got plenty to offer, but know that you will never find absolute redemption until you are honest with those you've done wrong. I like that. 

Jon & Kate: Don't Hate

I have never watched Jon & Kate Plus 8. I get all my updates from The Blondie at work. Brother #1 and The Baby Mama even named The Baby Nephew after one of the kids on the show. But even if you don't watch the show, you pretty much know what is going on in their lives...especially now. Every tabloid show and magazine is prominently featuring these two and their cheating allegations. Now, I'm even hearing that the state of wherever the fuck they live is going to investigate whether or not all child labor laws have been obeyed while filming show. I'm sorry, how long has the show been on? 

You can't all of a sudden start hating these two people for exploiting their children after they've been doing it for years. And people talk all sorts of shit about how crazy this Kate lady is, but the truth of the matter is they keep watching the fucking show. You can't turn your back on something that has been fundamentally the same for four or five years now. And those two need to quit their whining about the paparazzi following them around. Ummm...you're on a fucking reality show idiots! 

Saved

I've got a question for all my spiritual people out there...let's say I kill someone but I don't necessarily get caught. I try to live with the guilt of what I've done, but can't seem to find solace in any of my thoughts. I then think, I'm gonna look for Jesus now. Because then maybe I'll be forgiven for what I've done and I can feel better about myself as a person. Is that right? Would seeking salvation make me less of a murderer? I'm going to go ahead and simply answer no.

As much as I want no part of any religion right now, even I can find offense to this theory. I get that God and Jesus and all the others are there to offer some sort of redemption and all, but it just seems ludicrous to me to think that all I'd have to do is repent and I'd be good to go. I mean, what about the un-godly part about it? The dude I killed and his family members. Those that have no closure for their loss. Or even my own family members who continue to think I'm a good guy because I've been able to fool them. That can't possible be right, right? I know in church we're taught to be forgiving. I get that. And I know it's not my place to decide who gets forgiven and who doesn't, that's not my issue. My issue is, does that person now seeking God really deserve to feel that they're okay because they've sought him. And, excuse my blasphemy, but as God, would I be okay with someone coming to me as a last resort? It just seems all to easy. And as a bystander, am I supposed to forget who this person was because now they are a disciple of the Lord? If you quack like a duck, you're a fucking duck...you just pray now. Am I way off?

Back to My Roots

Or at least the more neglected Nicaraguan part of my roots. I have been wanting Nicaraguan food for the longest time but I had no idea where to get some. I suppose if I'd really wanted it that bad, I could've looked online but I never quite got around to it. Anyway, sometime last year, LSG and I happened to come across a Nicaraguan restaurant called El Nido in L.A. while out with the BFF. I've been wanting to go and check it out and finally got a chance yesterday. I have to tell you...well fucking worth the drive. I haven't had Nicaraguan food since I was 14 years old and it was just as good as I remember it...if not better. LSG and I ordered a sample dish which features the most traditional dishes Nicaragua has to offer. The pictures are from my cell, so excuse the lame quality. I know it looks kinda funky, but it was oh so good. This plate features "bigorron" (yuca and salad with pork grinds), fried plantain and bananas, fried cheese, steak and chicken.

 

My favorite Nicaraguan drink...at home, my dad called this "tiste" but the restaurant called it "cacau". Good stuff...

And then "gallo pinto", my absolute favorite. Just beans and rice but delicious in its simplicity...

I look forward to going back to this place with different friends so they too may experience it. The music is a bit loud and the atmosphere a little cheesy, but the food is incredible. Good stuff I tell you. 

My Friend is Awesome!

Make that FUCKING AWESOME! LSG and I went to support The Bro at his first marathon this morning, and it turned out to be a pretty cool thing for us to take part of. We stood at the very end of the finish line, where runners can be reunited with their friends and family. It was such a powerful thing to watch runner after runner come in from running just  a little over 26 miles. Insane! One lady even passed out right in front of us. We watched as people came in...some barely even able to run, some drenched in sweat, some overtaken by emotion. Then came The Bro...walking in completely nonchalantly as if he had just walked a block. Not one drop of sweat on him! This fucker is amazing! Big, Big Up's to this man for accomplishing something that I would never even take on. Where do you go from here?

Marathon

I went to lunch with my boy, T-Fresh and some other friends from work today. Here's part of our conversation on the way there...

Chino: So, we might go to the LA Marathon on Monday.

T-Fresh: Are you running it?

Chino: (Sarcastically) Yeah, I am. This is my 12th time running it, in fact.

But I am pretty excited to go out there and support The Bro do his thing. Should be fun.

Now That Idol Is Over....

We Must Never Forget...

Mosaic Survey

I saw this on someone else's blog and decided to rip it off. The pictues correspond with the questions underneath...(All pictures courtesy of Flickr.)

1. What is your first name? 2. What is your favorite food? 3. What high school did you go to? 4. What is your favorite color? 5. Who is your celebrity crush? 6. Favorite drink? 7. Dream vacation? 8. Favorite dessert? 9. What you want to be when you grow up? 10. What do you love most in life? 11. One Word to describe you. 12. Your flickr name